I am fair Hermia!

Parker got himself a girlfriend and it's not a girl, it's a girl I'm close to. A girl I call "daughter". He's together with Isabella and I don't know why but I feel betrayed, if you can call it betrayal. I've been pushing him away from me, the girl he SAID he liked, and now I'm the one watching from the distance. It hurts but I can't fall for Parker! I have Daemon and he is so good to me and I still love him yet Parker's new relationship is kindof saddening to me. I don't know much anymore, other what make-up I want to put on or when I'm going to fail. I'm not fit for either of them and yet I want them both.

Happy Cola Hints and The Dacning Tamale

Dear Blog,

We got our choir shirts yesterday. Wanna know how big mine is? It goes to my knees...*sigh* Oh well. Yesterday I also got a Haribo candy called Happy Cola! =D It really takes like coke! :oo it was amazzzzinnnnnnnn!! I'm out of it now..I ish sad. =( I hinted on facebook to Daemon saying to get me some and send them to me with a nice note. Wonder if he'll get it...he never gets my bijillion hints...

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Next weekend, maybe, I may be going down to the Occupy

Caity no approves?

 I found the best guy ever, and he's not like Victor or Iggy. The bolded words is what pissed me off the worst in this conversation.

  

• • :ppp he's cute. you may not think so but i do :))
• 
  

  17 minutes ago

  
  

  
  

  
  

  Caitlin Rose

  • ok. 1) he's ugly as fuck. 2) he lives far away from u. 3) u only get to see him ONCE A YEAR!!
  • i thought u were smarter than that
  • but obviously ur still a dumb fuck little kid
  • no seriously
  • WTF WERE U THINKING!??!
• 
  

  15 minutes ago

  
  

  
  

  
  

  Celeste Watson

  • Well apparently I'm stupid. You may think I choose wrong but I'm happy with the guy I choose.
• 
  

  14 minutes ago

  
  

  
  

  
  

  Caitlin Rose

  • no seriously tell me. what the fuck is the point of having a boyfriend if he's like an hour away.
  • u cant fool around with a guy who lives an hour away and u only see once a year
  • i mean.... thats not even a boyfriend. its just a cyber friend that u talk about ur feelings with and sometimes talk dirty with.
  • and u already have me for that :PP XD jk.
• 
  

  9 minutes ago

  
  

  
  

  
  

  Celeste Watson

  • Okay, so let me get this straight. I get excited about this new, nice, protective, sweet (and tall) guy I actually like enough to trust with my heart with after Brenda and decide to tell you. You start bashing me, calling me stupid, naive, and a total dumbass and then try to tell me how to deal with my own love live? Gee, thanks.
• 
  

  5 minutes ago

  
  

  Caitlin Rose

im not telling u how to deal with ur life im just saying thats not even a boyfriend. the whole point of having a boyfriend is to actually spend time with eachother and kiss and makeout and slam eachother. u cant slam someone who lives that far away. unless u have a webcam and ur into that sortof stuff O-O

im sorry if i made you mad 

Back to the blogg post now - I'm pissed. "Im sorry" doesn't cut the fact that all she thinks is I want him for is a sex slave. He's cute and fourteen so in two years he'll probably get his license so he can drive to G-town and then a year after him I get mine so then it's a two way lane. It'll totally work and if it doesn't then it wasn't meant to be but I feel something there that wasn't there with Iggy or Victor, or even Matt or Chris or Lane (football crushes) and she has the NERVE to tell me that I cannot have a long distance relationship because he lives a while away? Hell no. What me and Daemon decide to call it is what we are and she can't dictate that through her thick skull and irritating bratty behavior she gets when I decide to tell her something she doesn't approve of. But she is my best friend and I have to love her at the same time :PP Gggrrrr...why can't she just shut up and realize that it's something that she should be happy about? I'm happy about her boy news. :'(( I'm going to bed now angry, or in pity. I don't know up from down right now so yeah.

The words I want to say

I still miss you, Gaa, and will always love you. I miss the way you would smile at me through your pain, I miss the way you felt proud of me for every little crappy picture I colored or drew for you and I even miss the way you would open wrapping paper. Even though I know tears won't bring you back, I wish they would because there is so much I miss about you and so much I would like to show you and I want you to see how much I've changed, the friend's I've made and how much I've grown from that tiny little girl who would sit by the window with you. It's been six years without you and I still think about you, how painful it is to listen to certain songs. And the one thing I don't want to remember is the morning when I walked into your room and saw you weren't there...that second I knew something a little girl shouldn't at seven (or eight...). There was still so much I wanted to say to you, so much more time for us to spend time and cuddle and for you just to love me and there is still so much I want to say. You know, every-time I walk into Dad's room I see the hospital style bed you slept in and then it fades.

I may be an arrogant teenager who hasn't thought of you till six years too late but I want you to know I do miss you and love you...you will always have a special place in my heart...I'll always remember that. Even when I'm making out with somebody or cuddling with the stuffed animal you gave me when I sleep, it's my new sleep toy and even though I'm thirteen I feel happy to have something to remember you by. "She wanted you kids to have these." Nana said those words as she handed me and Damon the stuffed animals you had bought us and I will never forget them, or you. You will always be there and I will never EVER regret or feel embarrassed about commemorating you. I love you...always will. <3 Where-ever I am, you're with me. I hope you're happy with where you are.
 

Leaving!

Now that I've found someone I can trust and can look at without fear or hesitantly or speak to in a soft voice... that I can kiss, that I can cuddle with, that I can admit to making her jacket make me feel safe...they move. :(( Just pick up and move, on the last day of school. I'm torn between two doors...joy and understanding (which is very important in a relationship) and, the second one (the winner), tears and depression and lies to cover it up. What is wrong with me? I begged our own BEST friend to hint her a few questions for me since I don't have the guts to say, "Hey hang out with me." or "I feel neglected..." to my own GIRLFRIEND. Anyway, off to sleep I go with my girlfriend's jacket to slow the tears...maybe I'll just get over her again...why did I even say yes?

Bombshells

----

Bombshells of

Truth fall upon our

Oblivious heads.

5/17/11 </3*breaking inside...*
18 days to go...

~ CHUU *poofs away in mists of memories*

Hairstyles and Gays in Religon and General

Today, I commented on a "gays are cool, dont bash them" kinda status on my friend's facebook wall and this one girl came up with "The bible says its wrong although I dont care cause God is gotta get them." *facepalm* If "god" existed then I would be happy with my mother still living with me but you don't see that. So, anyway, I commented back with a "I'm not christan sooo...I care why? Love dont mattah, love is love. Want kids and your gay? Then just adopt" or if you're a girl get a sperm donor. Simple. Easy fix, no sweat. And then you still have your lovely lover, who is also a girl. (My situation but I dont want kids.)  And yes, I'm a Bi Witch with the hat and girlfriend to go with.


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 Earlier I went all girlie, and since I can't braid, twirled my hair into a funky quad-braid! :DDD LMAO I'll post pics and a tut on it soon but I wouldn't suggest walking out with it unless your extraordinarily brave. I'm only doing it to curl my hair so I can get curls in my straight hair for a few hours at least. But my now usual hairstyle, instead of just down and brushed, will be piggietails and gothic black ribbon around the hairtye. :))

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Sorry I bored you with my random chit chat and everythin :// lolz night, CHUU *poof*

More on my complicated lovelife

 

Right now, this song is my theme. Now, I know I'm not being neglected by Iggy 'cause we're the best couple I've ever seen (besides kami and hansie) in secret but there is still a few issues with Iggy (in my eyes). She doesn't ever ask for anything. I can't get into her head. Everyone bashes me 'cause I can get into these relationships but usually I can get into my partners head but it's like she's walled up and won't let anyone in, not even me.

I want her to ask me to hang out with her, I want her to ask me to walk down to the school with her, I want her to ask to push me against a wall and kiss me hard. I want her to just enjoy the little things. Yes, she does enjoy us together, I can see it in her eyes, but she just...doesn't have those things. You think a person like me would say, "HEY whats up!" but  I'm too afraid to come off as a brat (I know, I just called myself a brat)...I'm afraid to lose HER. It's just...I can't stand it. I do love her, she loves me and we've been through this twice but I do bear the weight of it all and it's just not cool. I'm not saying every thing in life is easy, cause it's not, but you have to get through it and this I just can't. What do I do?